Love the lazy blogger.

I stumbled this hilarious lazy blog generator and had to share. It is like a mad lib with drop down craziness to choose from.This is the one I came up with by just clicking random drop downs and then reading the post after.

Holy Snapping Duck Do! I just got a bajillion whiny emails saying I have not updated this since I had to start working to pay the ridiculous food and petrol prices to feed my kids... You would not believe how insane my life has become. Stupid Global Warming!.

I am going ahead with setting fire to people wearing Crocs, spending my husband's money, just generally being the life of the party to the bodyguards of the blogger I am stalking, my day seems to involve the authorities from when the nightclubs close to whenever. I am so tired of my kids wanting me to give them attention and stuff. can't they see I am blogging.

I swear on the bones of my ancestors if one more person emails me to ask why I haven't posted today I will start posting pictures of toe fungus, or fecal murals. One day I will find my magic genie! Cats if you don't..

Everyone should try this thing out!

Adventures in Amyland 2

Friend "Amy" is really pretty. She is also pretty darn smart. She is graduating at
the top of her class. Girl has a lot going on for her.

However, she is also a natural born klutz.

I have seen her trip over thin air. This girl could accidentally draw blood with a Marks-a-lot
and a feather.

One time in particular stands out. She almost drowned her self standing on dry ground. Amy tipped up a bottle of water for a cold refreshing drink and almost sent herself on to her great reward. She turned purple and her eyes bugged out. The whole time I was whacking her between the shoulder blades I was yelling, "Don't go towards the light!"

The moments, they are never dull.

Did she say...Ice Cream?

Ok, so I work for a vet. Going on 3 years now. My co worker has been there for 15. I have seen many hundreds of surgeries, she has seen thousands.

Usually when the dogs come out of surgery, we monitor them until they regain consciousness, pull the treach tube out of their mouths, and put them in their respective cages.

Occasionally, but not often, a dog will have a reaction to the anesthesia upon awakening and have mild seizures. At which point she or I will CALMLY inform the doctor. If they persist for longer than 5 minutes, the doctor administers a counter reative drug to the dog and the seizures stop. Most of the time they abate in three to five minutes on their own.

No cause for alarm, no freaking out.

But not today.

Because today, there was a woman in our clinic that was not about to allow anything less than full scale drama.

Please keep in mind that she doesn't work at our clinic, it was not her dog and she is not a client with us.

She was just a visitor.

When poochy started shaking, she LEAPT into the floor to hulk over him. And started barking orders at us like a head nurse in a busy ER.
"Ice! I need ice! Do you have ice packs? Or ice cream? Some one go get an ice pack!"

Um...? Ice cream?

Maybe I misheard.

One of the other ladies in the room jumps to attention and runs to find an icepack while Sheri tries to explain to Nurse Attilla that it is just the drug wearing off and the dog will be fine.

But no, NA has read the latest medical magazines and knows the true course we should take here.

She catches my eye and urgently commands me to go fetch some "ice cream or some honey or something sweet".

She plans to feed it to the dog to stop the seizures.

Does anyone remember that scene in Steel Magnolias where Julia Roberts has a diabetic seizure and freaks out? And her mother is trying to force a drink of OJ down her goosle?

Exactly that; only with a tiny dog who is not a diabetic, and needs drugs not dessert.

By this time the doctor had the drug ready to administer, takes the dog from Nurse Attilla, gives the shot, and all is well.

I bet when N.A. tells this story to her friends (hostages) she feeds the dog the ice cream and saves his life.

Crazy Calico Cats

I have a crazy calico cat perched on me like a pirate's parrot.

Hee hee. I love alliteration.

I have another one freaking out on the window sill. Well, alternately on the window sill and then the floor. She is flinging herself back and forth like they are both as hot as the flames of Hades. No sooner do her pink paws land that she is pushing off for another go round. Oops, she tried to incorporate the subwoofer into her dance of insanity. Lost her footing and conked her face on the wall.

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That tidbit of trippy typing was brought to you by the parrot perching puss.

I'm sorry.
I can't help myself.

KNOCK IT OFF YOU NOCTURNAL NIGHTMARES!!

See, it's an affliction.

The shouting worked! By some miracle they have left me alone to Youtube some Stone's songs in peace.

All is well that ends well.